


Memories

by clockworkfall



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 12:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20742527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkfall/pseuds/clockworkfall
Summary: Eddie made it out of that final fight with It, and Richie decides that maybe it's time he confesses his feelings and it's definitely not because he's been aching to do so since he even remembered Eddie existed.





	Memories

No matter what he did, Richie couldn’t remember his childhood. He couldn’t remember where he grew up, what the names of his friends were, all the times he had probably gotten in trouble unless somehow he was a perfect kid and he just didn’t know. He didn’t remember if he’d had his first kiss before he’d moved out or if he had ever done something absolutely stupid on a dare or if he’d ever even had the friends he assumed he would’ve hung out with.

But there was one thing he did remember.

Not a person, not a face, no name or shared experience, just a feeling. 

He hadn’t always remembered it, it had crept up on him during his last session with his therapist. He hadn’t been in years now, not since it had happened. 

They had been talking about his childhood- how he couldn’t remember. It had been the topic of choice for the past few sessions, at least when his therapist didn’t let him run his mouth on some tangent so he could relax the whole time. And this particular session, he had finally been comfortable enough to do one of the things his therapist had suggested. That’s when it happened.

He had been just talking, letting his mind wander farther and farther back into his past when an ache so strong knocked the wind out of his longs. A longing unfelt and unrequited for so long he couldn’t speak for a full minute and a half.

He didn’t go back to therapy after that. He was too scared to- if that’s what just a feeling did, what could actual, tangible memories do?

So he let himself forget again, at least he tried to. But he never could. He wouldn’t think about it for a few months, but then at the worst point in time it would come back and there would be nothing he could do.

Once he had been alone when it happened- sitting alone in an unfamiliar hotel room, the lights turned off just staring at the ceiling. That time he had cried and he still didn’t know why.

He had chalked it up to just ordinary stress and anxiety at the time, but now…

Now that the Losers had reunited and that feeling had suddenly resurfaced, he wasn’t so sure.

Just looking at Eds - his name had been the first thing he had remembered - that had brought back that feeling, stronger than ever before.

And with all his memories returning, he finally knew why. He had cried again, privately, partially out of the sorrow only unrequited love can bring, and partially because he had forgotten for long. He finally knew what that stupid empty spot inside his head was and it was a stupid crush on some stupid boy that he was still stupid in love with and he didn’t know what to do.

So he had tried to keep it hidden, admittedly doing what he thought was a terrible job of it, but if anyone had asked what had him staring in Eddie’s direction he would’ve cracked some stupid joke, and hoped they didn’t see right through him when he blamed his mood on that clown. And if someone had noticed that he was maybe concerned for Eddie’s life in a bit more than a friendly way during that final fight, well, they were fighting for their lives and to kill It, he was a little on edge.

But now that the whole thing was over, and everyone had made it out- maybe there was still some adrenaline-fueled courage in his system, or maybe he was just too tired to make a good decision - not that he ever made good decisions anyway- but he found himself outside Eddie’s door at the hotel.

It took him an eternity to knock, but the second he did the door opened and there he was.

Fuck he was gay.

It happened almost in a haze, him asking Eddie to join him for a quick walk for no reason in particular, listening to Eddie talk about his sudden decision to divorce his wife, and suddenly they were at the bridge where he had carved their initials.

“Eds?” Richie knew he was interrupting and he hated to do it only partially because he loved the sound of his voice.

“And another thing- I said don’t call me Eds, anyway-”

“Eddie.” Richie finally looked at him, finally made eye contact, and Eddie stopped talking. His brow furrowing in concern.

“Is something wrong? Are you sick? Don’t tell me you’re sick-” 

“Eddie I’m in love with you.” Shit.

Richie broke eye contact, a punchline building in his throat because holy shit he hadn’t wanted to just say it there was… Shit this was a bad fucking idea and he was going to die, right there on the spot.

“But you’re not sick, right?” Eddie’s voice was tinged with concern as Richie continued to avoid eye contact.

“No, I’m not fucking sick but that’s not the fucking-”

And then Eddie’s lips were on his and for a moment he didn’t know what to do but then he caught up to reality and the world melted away as he melted into Eddie and then after a perfect small eternity it was over.

Richie touched his lips with the barest brush of his fingertips and looked down at his hand, and then back to Eddie. He gently pulled him closer, bringing his lips to Eddie’s, slowly at first, then faster, letting eternity wind down as they caught up on lost childhoods and lost years when they could’ve been until all that was left was long, shared life.

And though his memories never faded after the two of them left Derry for the last time, Richie did finally forget one thing- that unbearable ache. But Eddie, the reason it had begun and the reason it had left, still managed to leave him speechless just the same.


End file.
